Jane Batty

One thing I will never forget is this woman who lived on Leonidas and who would call the police because people were bugging her house, and doing all manner of things to her - both supernatural and conventional.

Among the complaints were that, besides the listening devices in her house, someone had been gluing stinging ants to her fence latch. The ants, invisible, were glued with their backs to the fence so their stinging parts were available to zap Jane whenever she opened the fence.

Another was a man who would stand half a block away and flash his penis at her. She described the penis in detail although the person was some distance away.

I decided it was time for an intervention. I grabbed Sandra Contreras and Tommy Redmann and we went out to Jane Batty's house. Sandra was a scientist for the day and she donned a lab coat and had with her my forensic entomology book. I was a bug specialist, but not like Dr. Sandra. My specialty was electronic ones. Tommy was going to get the best description of the flasher he could.

I had alerted Jane on a previous visit I would be returning with a team of experts. She was waiting for us and was very excited. I climbed out with an old Dish Network satellite dish with cables and wires hanging, which I placed into a mobile analysis unit on my belt. (A fanny pack)

Tommy got right to work on the description. Based on all the information she gave him, Tommy determined the man to be someone with a penis shaped like a tuna can. Sandra used her book to flip through pages so Jane could identify the stinging bugs, as she was the only one who could see them. (Dr. Sandra had some issues keeping a straight face, but she pulled it off.)

I started sweeping the satellite dish high in the air, back and forth, towards Jane's house. You see, we weren't allowed INSIDE the house to do a bug sweep, so it required this specialized equipment. The sweep was successful; the bugs remained but had been rendered useless by the process.

In the end, this worked for a few weeks. Naturally she began calling back. MANY years later, Capt. Eric Gillard would call me and tell me Jane Batty was calling in another complaint, just to keep me apprised.